Chapter 180 (Part 1) Returning to the country

　　It turned out that the people of Penglai Island took meat as the main food and didn’t like to eat vegetables. She strolled through whole Penglai Island and didn’t see many families eat vegetables and fruits. Here, they used all kinds of meat, birds and animals to entertain guests, but no vegetables.

　　The folic acid in vegetables and fruits is a very important nutrient. It plays a very crucial role during the pregnancy. The residents of the island liked meat and hated vegetables; plus, the fact that many people married their close relatives on the island, the cleft lips became a genetic disease and had been passed down through generations.

　　Master Taixu couldn’t understand what Feng Qi Qi said. “Girl, what is the folic acid you talked about? Could it be that we will get it if we eat vegetables and fruits? Since it was like his, then why can’t folic acid be made. Are you not a doctor?”

　　Master Taixu’s words made it difficult for Feng Qi Qi. In the modern world, it is indeed possible to extract folic acid. However, in the ancient times, there were no advanced equipment. How could the folic acid be extracted?!

　　“Elder, I really don’t have a way to make it. Moreover, there are some degree of poison in medicine. Instead of using drugs to supplement the nutrients the body needs, it’s better to take it from food. This is more beneficial to the human health.”

　　Feng Qi Qi made very sense. Master Taixu nodded. “Good! I will spread the two points you mentioned! First is to include fruits and vegetables into the diet. Especially pregnant woman must eat several vegetables and fruits daily. Secondly is that immediate families are forbidden to marry within three generations.”

　　“Right! That’s it! I believe that if you insist on it, there will be fewer and fewer children with cleft lips. The residents of the island would also become healthier.”

　　Feng Qi Qi couldn’t think of other methods at the moment. She also didn’t see those fruits and vegetables rich in folic acid on the island. They could only wait for people to send the seeds afterwards to Penglai Island. However, she made a nutrition list according to the diet of the residents on the island, let master Taixu sent it to each household and let the everyone adjusts their diet according to the list.

　　After finding out the reason, Feng Qi Qi began to do surgery for the residents with cleft lips. The surgery wasn’t difficult. It only required an assistant. Considering that in the future more children with cleft lips may be born who also needed the surgery, Feng Qi Qi specifically called Jia Lan in as her assistant. In fact, she wanted to teach Jia Lan how to perform the surgery of cleft lips. After all, after Feng Cang is cured, they still have to go back to Bei Zhou and couldn’t continue to stay here. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day!

　　

• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime

　　

　　When Jia Lan knew that Feng Qi Qi wanted to pass her valuable skills to him, he was very excited. It should be noted that in this era, these techniques were passed down from generation to generation. Moreover, it was usually passed to the boy and not the girl and also wouldn’t be passed to outsiders. Feng Qi Qi actually passed it to him so generously; how could Jia Lan not be excited? Every day, he followed behind Feng Qi Qi and became more focused.

　　Feng Qi Qi divided the residents with cleft lips into three groups. Among which toddlers younger than one year were classified into one group. She performed the surgery first one them.

　　Due to the hurry, Feng Qi Qi didn’t have much anesthesia. Fortunately, there are many Datura flowers at the cliff of the South Mountain. Feng Qi Qi let Su Mei and Su Yue pick them. After drying it, it was used for other drugs. It became anesthesia and solved the problem.

　　The residents of the island were very surprised after they heard that the female holy doctor could cure the cleft lips through surgery. However, after listening to Feng Qi Qi explained the process of the surgery, those people who had hoped to cure the cleft lips, all backed down.

　　“Master, it’s not that we doubt the ability of female holy doctor. It is that we had never seen any cleft lips surgery. If, if it was a failure, then wouldn’t it ruin everyone?!” An elder man on the island represented and expressed the thoughts of the residents.

　　“Yes, yes! No one had ever done the cleft lips surgery. How would we know if it would succeed?!”

　　“This…” Hearing everyone say this, master Taixu looked at Feng Qi Qi. To be honest, it was reasonable that everyone had this fear. After all, it was difficult for people to accept something unknown and they wouldn’t cooperate easily.

　　The residents of the island didn’t cooperate. Feng Qi Qi also didn’t know how to persuade them. Without a successful case, these people wouldn’t believe her. They would only believe what their eyes see.

　　“I’ve a way!” At this moment, a sweet voice could be heard. Feng Qi Qi turned and saw that the one who spoke was Xiao Mi.

　　“Beautiful sister, I’ve a way!” Xiao Mi jumped to Feng Qi Qi and snuggled into her arms. “I also have the cleft lips. Sister can cure me first. As long as I’m cured, it would mean that beautiful sister didn’t lie. Everyone can believe beautiful sister then!”

　　The sudden emergence of Xiao Mi and her words undoubtedly helped Feng Qi Qi a great deal. Originally, master Taixu wanted to do this. He didn’t expect that his good granddaughter mentioned it first. “Right, girl, perform the surgery on Xiao Mi first! I believe you!”

　　Feng Qi Qi was very touched with master Taixu and Xiao Mi’s support. She didn’t expect that they believed so much in her. She didn’t say anything else, Feng Qi Qi, Su Mei and Su Yue went to prepare for the surgery of Xiao Mi.

　　For the room of the surgery, Feng Qi Qi specifically selected a room that was sunny and dry. Before the surgery, the entire room was completely disinfected.

　　Feng Qi Qi, Jin Mo and Jia Lan wore surgical gowns and entered the room. On the bed, Xiao Mi who took the anesthesia was already in deep sleep.

　　“Let’s start!” Feng Qi Qi used high concentration of alcohol to disinfect Xiao Mi’s upper lip. Then, she picked up a thin blade. “Cooperate with me according to the steps I will be talking about!”

　　Feng Qi Qi took the blade and cut two times on Xiao Mi’s lips. When the blood flowed out, Feng Qi Qi reached out and said, “Give me the crochet needle and the baleen!” Jin Mo quickly handed Feng Qi Qi the crochet needle with baleen on it. Jin Mo took over the blade in Feng Qi Qi’s hand.

　　Feng Qi Qi sewed the inside of the lips together. Her sewing skills were very great. Only in a blink of eyes, the inside of Xiao Mi’s upper lips had been sewn together. The outer part of the lips was also sewn with the same stitches.

　　Because the skin of the lips had been cut open, the two pieces of bloody meat were tightly connected by the stitching of the needles.

　　“Medicine!” Feng Qi Qi reached out. Jia Lan handed her a small bottle. She poured an herbal plaster that was like a sheep’s fat. She gently rubbed the herbal plaster on the wound. Originally, the blood was still flowing. After meeting with this herbal plaster, it immediately solidified.

　　“Carry Xiao Mi to the bed and let her take a rest. After the anesthesia loses effect, she would feel a bit pain. But, it’s not a big deal. With my plaster, the lips would be fine after four to five days. Not to mention, a child’s ability to recover is very strong. It won’t take long before her lips will be the same as ordinary people’s.”

　　The whole surgery didn’t take a long time. When Feng Qi Qi came out, master Taixu went anxiously to her. “How is it? How did it go?”

　　“The surgery was very successful, but the post-operative care should be paid attention to. I will personally take care of Xiao Mi. Don’t worry!”

　　Sure enough, after the anesthesia dispersed, Xiao Mi woke up from pain. When she opened her eyes, she saw Feng Qi Qi. She (FQQ) was holding a fan and gently fanned her (XM). Feng Qi Qi’s appearance made Xiao Mi’s eyes wet. She said one word, “Mother…”

　　“Xiao Mi, you’re awake!” Feng Qi Qi was very happy that Xiao Mi woke up. “Is it very painful? Bear with it a bit. Our Xiao Mi is a strong child. Hold it a bit. After the wound is healed, you will be able to speak and eat like before!”

　　“Mother, woowoo, Xiao Mi misses you!”

　　Seeing Feng Qi Qi being so gentle and cared so much for her, Xiao Mi cried. Her small hands clutched Feng Qi Qi’s clothes and refused to let go.

　　Feng Qi Qi had long heard Xiao Mi’s history from Jia Lan. Her parents suffered a storm during a fish trip on the sea and died on it. Because master Taixu and Xiao Mi’s grandfather were friends, after Xiao Mi became an orphan, master Taixu took Xiao Mi in and treated her like his own granddaughter.

　　Now seeing Xiao Mi keep calling “mother”, a soft place in Feng Qi Qi’s heart was also moved. This child surely missed her mother! Really a child who would let people love!

　　Feng Qi Qi stayed with Xiao Mi the whole afternoon. She fed her and applied medicine for her. She also told Xiao Mi a lot of fairy tales.

　　“Beautiful sister, the Cowherd and the Weaver can only see each other once a year. They are so pitiful!”

　　“The Little Red Riding Hood should not meet the wolf again!”

　　“Snow White and the prince lived happily ever after. Where did the seven dwarves go to?”

　　Xiao Mi’s innocent voice was continued heard from the room, letting Jia Lan’s mouth be in a rising arc after he kept listening. Unexpectedly, that woman had such a gentle side…

　　Until after Xiao Mi fell asleep did Feng Qi Qi gently withdrew her hand from Xiao Mi’s. After covering her with a blanket, Feng Qi Qi went out of the room.

　　At this point, the sun was already gone. Feng Qi Qi shook her sore neck. She didn’t take two steps when her legs went soft.

　　“Be careful!” A pair of hand supported her. Feng Qi Qi looked up and saw that the person was Jia Lan.

　　“Thank you…” Feng Qi Qi thanked politely.

　　“Are you alright? It had been hard on you! You’re pregnant and still need to do these things. In the future, if there’s something, just call me!” Jia Lan was really concerned. After seeing the tiredness from the woman’s face, Jia Lan intended on helping her to her room. At this time, Su Mei walked over.

　　“Miss!” Seeing that Feng Qi Qi was very tired, Su Mei quickly went forward and supported Feng Qi Qi. “Miss, are you alright?!”

　　“I’m fine. I’m only a bit tired. It would be fine after a rest.”

　　Before leaving, Feng Qi Qi said goodbye to Jia Lan. Jia Lan gestured with his hand and watched the pair of master and servant leave.

　　When he went to the river of forgetfulness to give Feng Cang dinner, Jia Lan flew to below the waterfall. He sat on the large rock on the shore. While watching Feng Cang eat, he chatted with him. However, usually, it was him who talked. Feng Cang didn’t talk much.

　　At this time, it was evening. The temperature of the water in the pool was no longer as ablaze and had been quickly dropping. Feng Cang’s face was still red. Now, it was beginning to turn white and even somewhat blue.

　　“Feng Cang, you have to hold on! Princess is still waiting for you!” While speaking, Jia Lan admired Feng Cang very much. Even he didn’t dare to touch the water of the river of forgetfulness easily. The temperature of the water changed greatly. Moreover, the stench would let people unable to bear with it. Let alone, soak in the water.

　　“I know.” Feng Cang finally opened his mouth and said some words. “Help me tell Qing Qing to let her take care of herself well. Do the surgeries slowly. I believe in her ability! Also…I miss her.”

　　After Jia Lan heard this sentence, he blushed. How could he pass the love words between this couple? It was just, Feng Cang already said it. He, this messenger should pass the words.

　　Chapter 180 (Part 2) Returning to the country

　　After returning, Jia Lan knocked on Feng Qi Qi’s door and conveyed Feng Cang’s words. At the end, Jia Lan’s face was somewhat hot and he sent a very uncomfortable look at Feng Qi Qi.

　　“What’s wrong?” Feng Qi Qi raised her head and looked at Jia Lan. “Did Cang have something else to say?”

　　“He told me to tell you that he misses you.” While saying this, Jia Lan blushed like a cooked shrimp, making Su Mei and Su Yue laugh. “Our guye¹ lets you convey words, why are you blushing?!”

　　“I…” Being made fun of by Su Mei and Su Yue made Jia Lan feel a bit embarrassed. “I haven’t been such a messenger before, so…”

　　“Oh, so you’re shy?” Su Mei flew forward and went to Jia Lan. “Tsk, tsk. I didn’t expect that you’re so thin-skinned. How would you get a wife in the future?”

　　“Unless I leave Master’s division and live a normal life, I won’t be taking a wife.” Jia Lan said these words very seriously, but it made Su Mei laugh. “What does that have to do with us if you do or don’t take a wife? Why be so serious? Really muddle-headed!”

　　“I’ll leave first…” In order to avoid being made fun of again, Jia Lan ‘ran’ out of Feng Qi Qi’s room.

　　“So funny. He’s shy, miss!”

　　From afar, Su Mei’s voice reached Jia Lan’s ears and made his face burn even more. So strange. Why did this happen? Could it be the weather is too hot?

　　Feng Qi Qi let Su Yue carry Xiao Mi to her (FQQ) room and let her sleep on her (FQQ) bed. Feng Qi Qi was afraid that she would get a fever at night, so she woke up several times. Only when it was dawn did she fall asleep.

　　Four days later, when Xiao Mi stood in front of the residents of the island, their eyes were wide as they looked at Xiao Mi.

　　“Xiao Mi’s cleft lips is gone! Xiao Mis’ cleft lips is gone!” Some children circled Xiao Mi and began to shout. Now, the residents believed in Feng Qi Qi’s skills. One by one, they requested Feng Qi Qi to treat them.

　　“Grandpa!” Xiao Mi was being carried by Master Taixu. When he saw the light scar on Xiao Mi’s lip, the elder was very happy. “Girl, thank you! I don’t know how to thank you!”

　　“Don’t be so polite. I still need to thank you and Xiao Mi for believing and supporting me!”

　　A moment later, Feng Qi Qi made a list and arranged the order for those who needed the surgery. Everyday, there would be four surgeries. In addition, Feng Qi Qi also wrote down the post-surgery care and sent it around the island to let the residents know how to take care after the surgery.

　　For a period of time afterwards, Feng Qi Qi was busy from morning to night. Everyday, she had to do four surgeries and also had to check the recovery of the patients. The days were busy and satisfying. And her belly looked like a ball. Everyday, it was different.

　　In a blink of an eye, two and a half months had passed. Feng Qi Qi’s belly was already more than eight months. At the beginning, the surgeries were done by her. Later on, she handed them over to Jia Lan and Jin Mo. Jin Mo was originally a doctor. His skills were excellent. After training for a period of time, Jia Lan could also perform the surgeries.

　　After this period of hard work, those people who’d suffered from cleft lips were now cured. Many people had recovered. Feng Qi Qi’s popularity soared in Penglai Island and became the female holy doctor in the eyes of the residents.

　　“Cang, am I not very powerful?” At the river of forgetfulness located near the waterfall, Feng Qi Qi sat on a rock on the shore and looked at Feng Cang.

　　At first, she couldn’t get accustomed to the smell of the river of forgetfulness, but she couldn’t stop her yearning for Feng Cang. Every few days, she would come visit Feng Cang and gradually adapted to the smell of the river of forgetfulness.

　　“Of course, my Qing Qing is powerful.” Feng Cang was in the water, but his hand was on Feng Qi Qi’s bulged belly. Feng Qi Qi said that when the child is in the mother’s womb, the child would be born more clever if the father talked more to the child. So, every time Feng Qi Qi came over, Feng Cang would put his hand on Feng Qi Qi’s belly and chat to the child.

　　“Cang, persist for a few more days. Then you can be liberated! Do you know? Without you at my side, I can’t rest well at night!” Feng Qi Qi pouted and acted cute, making Feng Cang feel as sweet as if he had eaten honey. “Qing Qing, it has been hard on you! You had to take care of yourself and those patients. I couldn’t be at you side, letting you suffer!”

　　“I didn’t suffer! As long as you’re healthy, I wouldn’t feel that I’ve suffered! Don’t you think so, baby?!” When Feng Qi Qi spoke, the child in her womb also moved. Feng Qi Qi smiled proudly at Feng Cang, “See, the child agrees with me!”

　　Because she was heavily pregnant, the femininity of Feng Qi Qi was more intense, making Feng Cang dazed. “Qing Qing, you’re so beautiful!”

　　If it wasn’t because he was still inside the river of forgetfulness, Feng Cang would certainly couldn’t help himself from kissing Feng Qi Qi. It was just, now the beauty was in front of him, but he couldn’t do anything. This made Feng Cang wish even more that time could pass faster. It had been a long time since he last hugged Feng Qi Qi. The loneliness of soaking every day in the river of forgetfulness was very difficult to bear.

　　“Cang, I and the baby will wait for you!” Feng Qi Qi reached her hand and put it on Feng Cang’s big hand. Her eyes were full of determination. “Persisting is victory. We will wait for you!”

　　Feng Qi Qi’s words were like a tranquilizer and became the driving force behind Feng Cang. The time flew. It was finally the 81^th day. Feng Cang came out of the river of forgetfulness. Feng Qi Qi, Jin Mo and the others waited at a side to meet him.

　　“Cang…” Feng Qi Qi wanted to jump into Feng Cang’s arms but was stopped by him. “My body smells. After I take a bath I will let you hug me!”

　　Seeing that Feng Cang was still concerned about his image at this moment, Feng Qi Qi chuckled. She quickly returned with Feng Cang. Warm water had long been prepared. Feng Cang took a very long bath. After he thought that the smell on his body was clean did he change into clean clothes.

　　When he saw Feng Qi Qi again, he didn’t wait for her to come over, Feng Cang already went to her and hugged her.

　　It was just, when he held Feng Qi Qi, Feng Cang felt a bit uncomfortable. After searching for a long time, he discovered that this kind of uncomfortableness was because a big ‘obstacle’ was caught in the middle of them . This made Feng Cang laugh. “It seemed that in the future, I can only hold Qing Qing from behind!”

　　“Did I get fat very ugly? I was afraid that you can’t hug me anymore!” Feng Qi Qi’s small face blushed. Although, she was saying this, but her eyes showed pride. Except from those things she couldn’t adapt to in the beginning, now, she enjoyed being a pregnant woman very much.

　　Not waiting for Feng Qi Qi to finish, Feng Cang carried her. “No matter how heavy you are, I will be able to carry you! Moreover, I’m happy to carry my wife and child!”

　　Everyone was happy for the lovers who had experienced those things together. Master Taixu checked Feng Cang’s body happily. Then, he stroked his beard smilingly, “The Forget Love on your body had been removed. In the future, you wouldn’t be disturbed by the fetal poison anymore!”

　　Hearing these words, Feng Cang stood up and deeply bowed at Master Taixu. “Thank you, elder!”

　　“The one who need to say thank you is me! Thanks to girl, the disease that had plagued our Penglai Island for so many years had been treated. I should be the one thanking you!”

　　Master Taixu knew that after Feng Cang’s illness is cured, it was the time for them to leave. Although, after getting along this period of time, Master Taixu had a good impression of Feng Qi Qi and would love it if they stayed a while more, but Feng Qi Qi was about to give birth. Plus, the fact that there is a child gu on the child and they still had to bring the child to Nan Feng, so, Master Taixu didn’t retain them.

　　After resting for a day, Feng Cang and Feng Qi Qi bid farewell to Master Taixu.

　　When the inhabitants of the island learned that the female holy doctor was about to leave, they came to Nuwa temple to pay their gratitude to Feng Qi Qi. Later they spontaneously brought various food from their homes and prepared fresh water for them.

　　After getting on the boat did Feng Qi Qi discover that Jia Lan was also on board. She was a bit surprised. “Jia Lan, are you not staying on Penglai Island?”

　　“I want to send you back to the mainland! The boatman had only been here once and didn’t know how to sail. He needs someone to guide him!”

　　After Jia Lan said this Feng Qi Qi nodded. When the boat left Penglai Island, the people of the island waved at Feng Qi Qi’s group. Only after the boat was far away did the crowd reluctantly left.

　　On the way back, Feng Cang’s hand no longer showed tremors. After Jin Mo checked Feng Cang, he was surprised to find out that the residual of the gu poison had also disappeared. This news made Feng Qi Qi and Feng Cang very happy.

　　Originally, they thought that they had to go to Nan Feng and let the chief of Qiang tribe solve Feng Cang’s residual poison. They didn’t expect after soaking in the river of forgetfulness, the last remains of the poison was also gone. To Feng Cang, this was the best news.

　　The boat sailed for a month before it reached the mainland. They had encountered several big storms on the way. Fortunately, there was Jia Lan. So, they were able go through safely.

　　The boat finally docked at the port of Dong Lu. Feng Cang and the others had just came ashore when a soldier came forward. “Are you the regent and princess Zhen Guo?!”

　　This soldier was wearing the military uniform of Bei Zhou. The moment he saw Feng Cang, he immediately knelt. “Welcome regent! Welcome princess Zhen Guo!”

　　A short while later, Nalan Xin rushed over. Nalan Xin became very excited after seeing Feng Cang. He immediately bowed in front of Feng Cang. “Wangye,² you’ve returned!”

　　“Get up!” Seeing Nalan Xin acting like this, Feng Cang naturally knew that Nalan Xin had seized Dong Lu. He was indeed the man he favored.

　　When he saw Feng Qi Qi’s large belly, Nalan Xin was obviously a bit ‘scared’. He was used to seeing Feng Qi Qi’s graceful figure. He was a bit unaccustomed now that she’d become like this.

　　Feng Cang and Feng Qi Qi were welcomed into the estuary. Nalan Xin reported the current situation of Dong Lu. Now, there were no longer Dong Lu and Xi Qi in this mainland. Only Bei Zhou and Nan Feng were left.

　　After she heard that Ming Yue Cheng had captured Xi Qi and that Longze Jing Tian abandoned the city to escape, Feng Qi Qi laughed. “Didn’t think that Ming Yue Cheng was also such a fierce character! What about Shangguan Wu Ji?”

　　Hearing Feng Qi Qi mention Shangguan Wu Ji, Nalan Xin sighed in pity. “Shangguan Wu Ji committed suicide by cutting his throat…”

　　“What?” This result was beyond Feng Qi Qi’s expectations. She didn’t expect that Shangguan Wu Ji would commit suicide. “How could this be?”

　　“Shangguan Wu Ji was defeated at great general’s hands. Great general wanted to persuade Shangguan Wu Ji to surrender, but after Xi Qi was vanquished, Shangguan Wu Ji committed suicide. He said that he couldn’t protect Xi Qi, he was ashamed to face his ancestors…”

　　Nalan Xin’s words made Feng Qi Qi silent. When she thought about the time when she had first come to Bei Zhou and how Shangguan Wu Ji carefully looked after her and once wanted to elope with her; that simple young man actually used his own blood to write the word ‘loyalty’. Why was he so foolish?!

　　Anyone could see that Feng Qi Qi was in a bad mood. Nalan Xin retreated silently. Feng Cang stood behind Feng Qi Qi. His big hand hugged her from behind.

　　“Are you sad for general Shangguan?”

　　“Mm!” Feng Qi Qi honestly nodded. She saw Shangguan Wu Ji as a friend. Although Xi Qi and Bei Zhou’s standpoint were different and made them couldn’t help but stand on the opposite side of each other, but she had never thought that such a result would occur.

　　Why did he have to use such a way to end his life? He obviously had more choices! He really was foolish!

　　“Qing Qing, everyone has his own choice. For example, he chose to be loyal. Another example, Longze Jing Tian chose to flee…” Feng Cang didn’t eat vinegar after seeing Feng Qi Qi grieve for Shangguan Wu Ji. How could he not know her thoughts?! She saw Shangguan Wu Ji as a friend. Now, she had lost this friend. It was only human that Feng Qi Qi was feeling sad.

　　It was just, Feng Cang was more sensible than Feng Qi Qi and also understood Shangguan Wu Ji more than her. That man had chosen suicide to end his short life. Presumably, half of it was to follow his vanquished country Xi Qi. The other half was because he couldn’t get the woman he loved. So, his heart had long dried up and had been waiting for an opportunity to free himself of the worldly worries!

　　Because Feng Qi Qi would be nine months pregnant soon, they didn’t stay too long because the time of birth was approaching. They only rested for two days. Then, they took a carriage and drove to Bei Zhou’s capital Yan. Jia Lan didn’t follow Feng Qi Qi to Yan. Instead, he bid them farewell and boarded the boat back to Penglai Island.

　　On the way, Feng Cang was a bit nervous. Jin Mo told him about all the problems that could arise when a woman gives birth. Originally, he wanted Feng Cang to be prepared. He didn’t expect that a ‘difficult birth’ scared Feng Cang. He was afraid that Feng Qi Qi would encounter things like a difficult birth. He feared the bumpy ride even more and that Feng Qi Qi would give birth on the road. So, the speed was slowed down. Feng Qi Qi’s safety came above everything else.

　　During this period, the fetal movements of Feng Qi Qi was particularly severe. Although the carriage was very comfortable, but her belly was too heavy, making her unable to sleep well at night. She could only rest intermittently during the day. Then, she would be awakened again by the fetal movements.

　　Seeing Feng Qi Qi feeling so uncomfortable, Feng Cang’s heart ached a lot. He wished that he could suffer on her behalf