Chapter 235 - Bootlicker’s Guide to the Immortal Realm’
Chapter 235: ‘Bootlicker’s Guide to the Immortal Realm’
Translator: EndlessFantasy Translation Editor: EndlessFantasy Translation
Early the next day.
Li Nianfan was sitting in the yard. He was clearly tired.
He looked at the Fire Phoenix and Daji. He had a question in mind, but when he tried to speak, he stopped himself.
Did they take a bubble bath until midnight? When had they become so close? He had trouble sleeping last night.
The Fire Phoenix acted strangely in the morning, too. She chased after Daji to learn how to brush her teeth.
The friendship between girls was so sudden and weird, even for the Fire Phoenix.
However, it made Li Nianfan excited. The friendship between Daji and the Fire Phoenix meant that bigshots were easy to get along with. There was nothing wrong with it.
The war between Demons and Immortals was upon him. It would be dangerous soon. He had to befriend as many bigshots as he could.
He would shamelessly ask for their protection if they were his friends. They would not reject him then.
He was only an ordinary man. They could easily protect him.
He started to study the ‘Bootlicker’s Guide to the Immortal Realm’.
1
‘Rule Number One—cater to their hobbies.’ Immortals were people, too, and they also had their hobbies. For example, writing, painting, playing instruments, and more. He could do that.
‘Rule Number Two—have a forte.’ His forte would be his cooking. Immortals were people, too, and they had an appetite. He could win them over with his cooking. It was working well so far.
‘Rule Number Three—invest in potential bigshots.’ Li Nianfan captured the essence of it. He did not own so many novels in the past realm for nothing. He was excellent at observing people and he thought he was good at identifying bigshots.
‘Rule Number Four—only be decent to potential bigshots that have tragic backstories and just be acquaintances with people who are divorced, disabled, or betrayed.’ He should not be too close with them. Never become their buddies because usually, he would be the first to die.
Rule Number Five…
Li Nianfan scribbled and wrote a lot. He gained a lot of experience from reading novels in the past realm. Therefore, bootlicking was not considered a low-blow or out-of-character for him. He could do it all effectively.
Li Nianfan finished the ‘Bootlicker’s Guide to the Immortal Realm’. Then, he made another one.
It was a list called the ‘List of Bigshots’.
Li Nianfan listed down his ranking of the bigshots he knew.
The Fire Phoenix was without a doubt the first on the list. Then, the grandpa and Gu Siblings of the Azure Ville. Followed by Yao Mengji, Lin Mufeng…
Li Nianfan listed down every cultivator he knew. Of course, he added some notes next to the names about how close they were.
He assumed…
The Fire Phoenix was 55 percent close to him. They were business partners but not yet friends.
Those who scored 60 percent were friends, 70 percent were buddies, 80 percent were close friends, and 90 percent were soulmates.
He kept listing names. Li Nianfan also wrote Nanan on the list.
“Not sure how the young lady’s cultivation journey’s doing, but don’t forget about me, your brother!”
Li Nianfan mumbled to himself for a while. He thought about it and added the old tree of the Fallen Town into the list.
The two books would be his legacy, his masterpieces. The value of the publications—immeasurable!
1
Li Nianfan was pleased with himself for a while. He felt like he found his calling. He instantly felt assured.
He was in a good mood and was ready to go out for a walk.
He smiled and said, “Daji, let’s go to the Fallen Town, then to the Clear Moon Lake to look at the fishes!”
Daji was as happy as Li Nianfan. She nodded and said, “Yeah, whatever you say.”
Li Nianfan walked toward a small bucket that was filled with their recent leftovers. It was processed into nutritional fertilizer.
He planned to pour it on his plants to ensure their growth.
Li Nianfan took some fertilizer and laughed. “Let’s go!”
The Fire Phoenix automatically turned into a little red bird and landed on his shoulder.
Blackie watched Li Nianfan leave from the four-part architecture. Suddenly, he fell deep in thought.
Blackie said, “Xiao Bai, I think I might be wrong about something.”
Xiao Bai instantly switched modes. Its voice went deeper as it said, “Therapist Xiao Bai is now online. Please, state your problem.”
Blackie was filled with sorrow. “I always thought that Master’s above it all. He doesn’t see the differences in status or gender. I now realize that the fox and the Phoenix are more loved and I’m being abandoned. Isn’t this gender discrimination?”
Xiao Bai smoothly answered, “According to science, people will be happier when they are accompanied by pretty ladies, regardless of gender but especially so for guys. But if I’m accompanied by a single dog, my happiness level will decrease instantly. It’s just the law of nature. The mood has nothing to do with cultivation.”
Blackie excitedly asked, “What if I reshape my form of flesh right now?”
“Why go through the trouble? Surgeon Xiao Bai is now online,” said Xiao Bai in an incredibly professional voice. Xiao Bai took out a pair of scissors. “Come on, lay down. I promise it’s highly effective and painless.”
1
…
Li Nianfan brought Daji to the Fallen Town again.
It was still crowded and peaceful.
Hopefully, the war would not affect the place.
‘Sigh, what’s wrong with living in peace? Is fighting and battling that fun?’ Li Nianfan thought for a moment. In reality, regardless of where he was, resources were limited. War necessitated more!
He went through the city and walked towards the East door.
He was slightly surprised when he got to the old Locust tree.
The thick branches of the old Locust tree were gone. Only half of the charred trunk was left.
There were also a few elders who were worshipping the tree. Their eyes were filled with nostalgia.
Li Nianfan quickly walked over and realized that the little sapling was still there in the middle of the tree trunk. He instantly sighed in relief.
He asked, “Elder, were the branches cleaned out by someone?”
One of the elders said, “Yeah, there were a few passing Immortals not long ago. They noticed the big old tree was struck by lightning. They said it was Lightning Wood or something. Then they excitedly chopped it away.”
The other elder said passionately, “I was there. They controlled a flying sword. It spun in the air and chopped down the branches. It was awesome!”
“The young ones wanted to move the tree trunk, too, but they were stopped by the elder.”
“I’ll be the first one to say no. The tree’s old but a new sapling has sprouted. They’ll pay if they try to chop that down, too!”
The elders started to chat and gossip away.
Li Nianfan smiled and walked to the stem.
It was good that the dry branches were cut off. It would be beneficial for the growth of the sapling. He had saved a lot of energy.
He took out the fertilizer that he prepared and sprinkled it around the little sapling. He was assured that the little sapling would grow well.
The little sapling was extremely green. Under the sunlight, it looked alive.
“Come on, old tree. If you’re spiritual, hurry up and grow. They’ll soon fight their way over here. The Fallen Town depends on you to shield them.”
Li Nianfan poured the fertilizer while he mumbled, “I know you’d rather die than see the town get hurt. I know you have feelings for this town. I, Li Nianfan, don’t need credit for this.”
Li Nianfan finished fertilizing and thought about something. He felt like he did not miss anything. Then, he wiped his hands, smiled, and said, “Daji, let’s go to the Clear Moon Lake!”
The old tree was not doing well, but Li Nianfan was not going to let go of any possible bigshots. He could do it casually anyway. Why would he be lazy about making good connections?
He would not look down on the weak. They might bring him along with them if they were strong in the future.
Meanwhile.
At the Lingyun Immortal Pavilion.
There were lightning flashes in the sky. A ray of bright light slashed through the clouds and headed straight for the Lingyun Immortal Pavilion.
The figure arrived in a blink of an eye!
He was flushed and had deep eyes. He looked very cool. His full black outfit made him look powerful, too, and it gave him a fierce aura. His long hair moved with the wind and it looked like he had strands of shiny swords.
The disciples of the Lingyun Immortal Pavilion fell into chaos. They all looked afraid.
Just by a single glance from the man in black, they suddenly realized that they were being overwhelmed by Sword Qi. Their hair stood on ends as they realized they were about to die.
They could not even resist it.
Lin Mufeng was terrified. He rushed into the hall and spat a mouthful of blood on the Immortal Stone.
Suddenly, the Immortal Stone glowed brightly.
He said in a serious tone, “I’m the Sect Master of the Lingyun Immortal Pavilion, Lin Mufeng. I summon the Immortal from above.”
He was frantic. He was usually nice to everyone, so why was a powerful enemy attacking them? Was he perhaps in the wrong place?
Thankfully, he got an Immortal Stone from the expert the last time. However, he was unsure if the Immortal was dependable or not.
Buzz!
The Immortal Stone glowed and emitted a special scent.
However, no Immortal showed up.
Lin Mufeng was sweating bullets. He was about to spit out more blood when he heard, “No need to summon me anymore. I’m the owner of this Immortal Stone!”
Bam!
The light flew out the door and landed on the man in black robes.
Lin Mufeng was dumbfounded. Then, he respectfully said, “I’m Lin Mufeng. Welcome, Immortal!”
The man in black robes was very excited and happy. He quickly asked, “Where’s my precious disciple? Hurry up and let me meet my precious student!”
Lin Mufeng freaked out slightly. He tried his best to say, “Immortal, there’s no disciple of yours here.”
“Impossible!” yelled the black-robed man. “He has the Excalibur from the secret border, so at least, he has an unsullied body fated for swords! I didn’t think that the Immortal Realm would have someone like that. He’s born to be my student!”
The black-robed man glared with wide eyes. “Speak, who’s got the Excalibur?”
Lin Mufeng almost cried. He smiled awkwardly and said, “To be honest, it’s me.”
The black-robed man observed Lin Mufeng closely for a moment. “Blasphemy! You don’t have a body fated for swords. You think you can inherit my Excalibur?”
He frowned and said coldly, “I set up ten tests. No ordinary man would be able to pass the tests, and even if they did, they’d have to have an unsullied body fated for swords to pull out the Excalibur. Otherwise, the sword would just puncture their hearts!
“I spent a lot of effort just to find a worthy student! Not a lot of Masters are as passionate as I am in the world!”
Lin Mufeng had cold sweat all over. He was petrified.
He pulled out the sword. Thankfully, the expert reminded him to bring the lantern. Otherwise, he would be long dead by now, right?
Thankfully, he had the expert. He saved his life.
‘It was such a sick and twisted test. Are you sure you’re looking for a student?’